I'm thinking about leaving
Some marriages end. The question is whether you're leaving with clear eyes or leaving inside a feeling that will follow you out the door.
This project is pro-marriage and it is not anti-divorce. Some marriages end. Some should. If you are unsafe, none of the rest of this applies to you and you should go.
But if what you're carrying is exhaustion, resentment and a growing certainty that any other life would be lighter — slow down long enough to find out whether the weight is the marriage or something you'd be packing either way.
Where to start
- 01
Separate unsafe from unhappy
Abuse, violence, coercion and fear are a different category with a different answer. Do not let anyone, including me, talk you into staying in danger.
- 02
Ask what you have actually asked for
Plainly, without scorekeeping, without an ultimatum attached. Many people leave a marriage they never once told the truth inside of.
- 03
Get outside perspective before a permanent decision
Counselors, therapists, pastors, mediators. I paid for years of it and it was worth more than my own certainty was.
- 04
Test the theory that the problem is only them
If it is, leaving will help. If part of it walks out with you, leaving relocates the problem and charges you full price for the move.
Permanent decisions made inside temporary feelings tend to outlive the feeling that made them.
Carlos writes from lived experience, not clinical training. This is editorial content, not therapy, medical or legal advice.
The Other Side — our weekly letter
Don't navigate this alone
One letter a week: stories, lessons and reflections on marriage, betrayal, forgiveness, accountability and starting over, from someone who's lived both sides of it.
One letter a week — stories, lessons and reflections, never marketing. Unsubscribe any time. Your address is never sold or shared.